I’ll admit it. I’m a birth story junkie. I’ve been binge listening to The Birth Hour podcast and I’m totally hooked. I’ve always loved listening to birth stories, but I didn’t think I could hear 200+ hours of them without even once taking a break to listen to something else. Thank you Bryn Huntpalmer for producing this show!
I ask for birth stories from friends and family. When I finish teaching a class, I wait expectantly to hear the birth stories of my students. They are each a tiny life drama wrapped into one exciting and emotional conversation.
As a first time pregnant person I decided not to listen, read, or talk about birth much. I was afraid of hearing birth stories, because the only ones I had heard were pretty terrifying. I was hesitant to talk about the birth I wanted, because I was mostly surrounded by people who thought I was a little weird for wanting to birth outside of a hospital without the support of meds or doctors.
I hear very different opinions about what to listen to when you’re pregnant. Some say we should only listen to positive birth stories so that we don’t feel fear or stress. Fear and stress affect our babies, the way we feel, and even potentially our birth outcomes. We should listen to positive birth stories exclusively so that we can visualize the birth we want and therefore make it happen.
On the other hand, I’ve heard that we should listen to “realistic” birth stories so that we don’t have unrealistic expectations. We need to know about the potential complications so that we can be aware of warning signs and how to handle them. We need to set reasonable standards for our births so that we’re not traumatized when it doesn’t go our way.
I don’t know what is exactly right. I don’t know that there is one right answer that suits all people. I know that I shielded myself from the scary stuff and I had 2 great birth experiences. But it could have gone another way. I also didn’t have a super specific plan. I knew where I intended to be and how I felt about circumcision in case I had a boy, but honestly didn’t know much else. I didn’t plan exactly how to labor or push. I didn’t give a thought as to when my baby should be put on my body or whether the umbilical cord would be cut sooner or later. I didn’t know if would want to be in water or climbing stairs or lying flat on my back. I didn’t even know these were things I should be thinking about! Maybe if I had given some thought to some of this stuff my experience would have been even better….but is the goal to have the ULTIMATE BIRTH? Maybe.
Or maybe being happy with whatever we get is the way to true contentment. We can prepare for birth, but we can’t completely control it. I hear a lot of birth stories from women who plan their perfect birth only to be devastated when it doesn’t work out. This birth trauma can affect so much. Her postpartum time will have a shadow cast over it and very possibly her relationships with her baby, other children, and partner will not be quite as fulfilling as they could be. These negative feelings about her birth are also very likely to affect the next birth…..and the next.
One thing I feel must be true for everyone is that your birth story is something you will carry with you always. It belongs to you AND to your child. It is their birth story. It is the story of how they came to be in this world. That fact independent of all else makes it a story worth telling and worth remembering. It’s how they were supposed to get here because it is how they got here.
So listen to birth stories from people who support your decisions, have good intentions for you and positive feelings about their births. Read some birth stories. “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” has a lot of great stories. Listen to some on “The Birth Hour” podcast. They are not all ideal, but they do a great job of finding the positive aspects. They are sharing their stories on that show because they see the value in their story.
Learn about birth so that you can make informed decisions when you need to. Then try to focus on enjoying your moments, and forget about the scary stuff. Most of all, I think we try to accept the flow that happens whether we agree to it or not. Our births might go just as we hoped, or they may veer completely off track. Either way, embrace it so that you can tell your baby’s birth story. They will love hearing it as long as you love telling it.
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