It might seem strange, but I just recently heard about this. I listened to a whole podcast about the phenomena. Some say it’s not real, that there are no “Mommy Wars”. Now that I have a name for the feeling, I have to say that I strongly disagree.
When my first baby was born, I knew I needed some friends with babies. I had one or 2, but theirs were a little older; they were at a different stage of mothering than I was. I wanted to be near some newly postpartum women who were in the trenches with me. I found some and reveled in it. I didn’t know what “Type” of Mommy I was yet. I didn’t even know that there were different Types. I soon found out that there were.
The part that troubles me is not that there are different Types, but that some members of ALL types think that those of other types are WRONG and annoying. If I had complaints about baby’s sleep problems, and a certain Mommy found out I hadn’t wanted to try HER full-proof sleep method, my opinions were worthy of eye-rolling and contempt. I understood that we had different styles of parenting. I understood that some of my friends did things I would never do and the other way around, but in my mind they were still my friends and good mothers. Unfortunately, there are those who don’t understand that. There are some Mommies who wouldn’t want to be friends with a Mommy of a different Type. I guess that’s OK. Some people just want to spend their time only with like-minded people.
I could probably pigeon-hole myself into a category, and could probably do the same to some of my best friends. But I can’t put us all into the same holes. I decided that I didn’t like ALL the Mommies of my Type, and that I did like some Mommies of other Types. I think Mommies of all Types need to remember that quick judgments can mean missed opportunities. We may miss out on some wonderful friendships and the opportunity to grow as a parent.
We can’t stop being different. We will disagree with other Mommies. We might even judge some methods. But we should all remember that most all methods are attempted with the best intentions for those we love the most, our children. Some may seem misguided and foreign, but we should remember that our own methods might appear just as weird from the other side. Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt and Mother on together.
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