We are parents. Are we ever supposed to let go? Probably, yeah, kind of…….
Honestly, I don’t know. It’s hard to imagine really letting go, but when do we start to offer our babies/toddlers/kids some challenges? Some of us want to keep our babies close and tight ALL THE TIME. Some would prefer to let someone else hold the bundle OFTEN. Having only been a parent during the NOW-time, I don’t know what parenting was really like in the past, but I know that there were times and places when we held them closer for longer, and other times and places where they were “let go” sooner and more dramatically.
I feel like in the NOW-time, parents feel some pressure to let go sooner than some of us feel comfortable. It’s also often sooner than our babies would prefer. If that’s you, I think you should know that it’s OK to hold on. They will grow up and become independent even if that doesn’t start in infancy. Some research shows that they will actually be more truly independent and capable if they are held close in the early years. A baby/toddler is not supposed to be self-sufficient, know the rules and have great manners. They are supposed to need their mommies and daddies A LOT. This time is short. Pretty soon they won’t need quite so much of your undivided attention and you might wish they needed you a little more.
That being said, I also think we should offer them some challenges…..small ones, in tiny doses. I’m not a believer in ‘sink or swim’. For example, if you’ve got a kid with some separation anxiety and you’ve never left them with a sitter, do this in stages. Have the sitter over for an hour to play with your little one while you’re there. Start the playtime, then try popping in and out. Maybe you get a little work done during this time. Maybe you try that a few times until he’s comfortable with the new person, so next time you leave for 30 minutes to get a coffee and come right back. These might seem like baby steps, but each time you are offering your little one a challenge that they will almost definitely meet. These successes can give you both lots of great confidence. And keep trying because they change so quickly that the thing that was scary today might be a breeze tomorrow.
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